sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Be still, my beating vagina.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
They have beer where we have blood.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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