woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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