This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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