my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
