When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize