I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
