good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
