I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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