I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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