I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
