Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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