If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
