"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
