I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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