i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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