So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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