I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Your face is a jimmy john
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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