I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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