Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
