I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize