And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
BRING THE BAGELS
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
