i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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