I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
