"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
