I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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