We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
