You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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