My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
