didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
