My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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