dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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