this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
