He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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