I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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