This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
