Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize