I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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