I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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