The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
True strength comes from lack of pants
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm always down for nudity.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
