You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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