Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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