we're blogging at a bar
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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