do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
