It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
