Yo dont text me then not text me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize