yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
