nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
