so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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