Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
