Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
