I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
