you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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