guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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