By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
