Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
