Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
