ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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