Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
