Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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