Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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