i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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