laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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