That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
