no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
