It's Friday. Sex?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
