my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Someone shattered a urinal.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
