i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
