The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize