My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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