Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
