Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
