You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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