Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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