Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
