dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
