over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
