My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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