don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
