So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
