She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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