just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
