what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
