this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
